


one question haunts and hurts; too much, too much to mention

by pomegarnet



Series: get blurry, sloppy, boozy and blind [1]
Category: Natasha Pierre and the Great Comet of 1812 - Malloy
Genre: A bunch of implied relationships im too lazy to tag, A bunch of mentioned characters that im too Lazy to tag, Alternate Universe - College/University, Bi Hélène, Character Study, Gen, Implied Existential Crisis, Implied/Referenced Cheating, Lesbian Ace Sonya, Lesbian Marya, Nonbinary Natasha, Pan Pierre, Relationship Study, Texting, bi natasha, group chats, idk what college they're even going to I've never even been to college, implied romantic relationships, never thought I'd write that one day, petition for russia to get some chill with their names seriously please, shes a moon lesbian Bye Bye Bye!!!
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-19
Updated: 2016-06-19
Packaged: 2018-07-15 23:30:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,390
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7243240
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pomegarnet/pseuds/pomegarnet
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Marya and Pierre are there for each other.</p><p> </p><p>They aren't there for themselves.</p>
            </blockquote>





	one question haunts and hurts; too much, too much to mention

**Author's Note:**

> so a little while earlier I saw a post about wanting something with marya and pierre-- who are my favorite characters and the most relatable ones to me-- so this fic was born!!! 
> 
> this is unedited cause im a mess
> 
> what even are russian names???
> 
> title is from no good deed from wicked.

Pierre had gotten the phone call from Sonya about Marya almost burning down the kitchen. He attempted to act surprised. The poignantly pathetic effort did not convince Sonya. He arrived in around 8 minutes from the phone call.

“Fire doesn't frighten me! You did not need to call him!” Marya heaves in annoyance.

Sonya sighs and pinches the bridge of her nose, “Please, Marya, I was just worried.”

Marya gets some control of her breathing, but none over her frustration. She was aware of four facts; that she was taller than Sonya, that Sonya was shorter than her, that Pierre is watching both women in confusion, and that the cookies she’d attempted to bake for the freshmen were burnt to a crisp.

Marya focuses on the facts about her and Sonya’s height difference, and starts to tower over the girl.

Her voice is sewn together with anger, annoyance and venom as she tells Sonya, “Do not waste your worry on me.”

Sonya inhales a sharp breath, as if she is about to defend her stance, but she exhales it and scurries out of the room. Marya lets out a breath she wasn't aware she was holding.

“Does this happen often?”

Marya is aware of a fifth fact: She forgot Pierre was in the room.

She poises herself; straightening her back and clasping her hands, “If it were to happen often, Pierre, I would be in control of it.”

Pierre isn't buying her act, which is not unexpected to Marya. He clasps his large and burly hands on Marya’s broad shoulders as a sign of comfort. He begins to ask an array of questions to the woman, “What were you trying to bake?”

“Cookies. Oatmeal cookies, in particular, those are Natasha’s favorite.”

Pierre gasps. Her pulls his coat together and flushes. A fond smile appears on his face. “Oh, Natalya. How is the charming girl? Will she--”

Marya halts his words with the raising of a pale right palm. “They.”

“Pardon me?”

Marya lowers her right hand the her face and examines her nails. Her left hand moves from hanging next to her sides to perching on her hip. She informs Pierre, “Natasha, _they’re_ nonbinary."

Pierre’s eyes widen in shock for a split second. He nods in understanding and fixes his errors and continues, “How is the charmer? Will they visit soon? I’d like to see them once more.”

“Well, they are quite busy now. They must get used to the school.”

“Oh, yes, they’re a freshmen! Didn't you tour them around a few days ago, Marya?”

Marya grimaces in embarrassment. “Those freshmen are why I baked the cookies in the first place.”

Pierre sighs. “Did you yell at them?”

Marya is quick to defend herself, “Those rude dimwits were not paying attention to my advice! I was just trying to guide them, but they clearly did not care, so I did not waste my time with them!”

Pierre lowers his glasses from the bridge of his nose and let's out a breath. “Marya,” he starts, “I understand that you were upset, but these are new students. You remember being in their shoes four years ago.”

A self satisfied smirk appears on display on Marya’s face. She crosses her arms. “I didn't attend student orientation.”

“Even so, the new students have dreams and aspirations--”

“Those are basically the same--”

“-- and hopes and expectations! They're,” he pauses and tests out words on both his tongue and mind, “They’re… at their best now…” his sentence trails off into oblivion. Pierre’s eyes are locked like a vault on his shoes, and the floor, and Marya’s shoes and.

 _Marya_!

Marya had one hand across her stomach and the other clutching the collar of her dress blouse. She inhaled and closed her eyes, then did the opposite, exhaling and opening her eyes. She started straight at Pierre, worry and power painting her stoic expression. “Are you alright?”

Pierre clenches his hands into fists at his aides and stands up straight from his usual slouch. He bites his lip in concentration.

“I have no idea.”

 

* * *

 

Two days after Pierre and Marya’s…meeting… Marya had decided against making oatmeal cookies and went the easy route; buying pre-made cookie dough.

At the store, all was how Marya was expecting it to be-- casual. The freezers were all the way in the back of the store-- a stupid move, in Marya’s opinion, cold items should be near the front of the store so people could get in and out easier and not waste their precious time; which Marya did not have a lot of-- so Marya scurried through the aisles to grab it, pay and go. But--

“Marya!”

 _Fuck_.

“Hélène! How long have you been here?”

“Oh, for a while, the people I am here with are lurking around the store. I didn't even think you could lurk in a grocery store!”

Marya did not trust Hélène. She did like her-- who couldn't-- with her vivacious presence and charismatic personality. And for the fact she was Pierre’s… ‘girlfriend’ didn’t work… Pierre’s on and off partner… that’s good for now.  
  
Oh, and Pierre! What about Pierre? Marya had forgotten her oafish comrade after their last conversation. “How is Pierre?”

Hélène wasn’t surprised about Marya asking about Pierre, but she didn't know how to answer the other woman’s question. “I haven't talked to him very recently, I’m not sure. If you’d like, I can ask him to visit.”

“I’m afraid I must decline.”

“Oh, well, that’s all okay, Marya. I’d do anything for a lovely woman such as yourself,”

Holy shit. She’s _flirting_ with Marya.

“But,” Hélène continues, “I must take my leave! I do hope to see you soon.” Hèléne takes her hands and Marya exhales a bit, frightened and confused.

“You too.”

 

* * *

 

Marya had politely asked-- no, no, she had to accept the fact she angrily commanded a sophomore student to pass out cookies to the freshman. Being three years older and a foot taller had many perks that she was immensely grateful for.

She was laying across her bed, with a laptop on her stomach, writing away, entranced in her work, but there was a knock at her open door. Marya had just looked away from her screen when she saw a person who made her smile.

Natalya Ilyinicha Rostova was a petite and plump person. Their black hair in a high, neat and tight bun on top of her head, Their hands barely visible, covered by her white sweater. Their knee length skirt swaying a bit from movement. Their face was chubby. They were short in a sickeningly sweet way. They were beautiful.

“Natasha!”

Their face flushed from their named being joyfully called. They lifted up their lithe hand and smiled. “Hello!”

Marya gestured for them to come closer. They sat on the bed, which creaked from it many used and the new weight. Marya responds to the creaking bed by rolling her eyes, “This old thing creaks by simply poking it! I need to invest in a new one.” Natasha confirmed Marya’s theory by poking at the bed. Marya waved her hands to get their attention back on her.

“Nevermind about that now, dear. How are you, my sweet?”

“Well,” Natasha started, a hint of nerves in their tone, “It’s been alright here.”

Marya caressed Natasha’s shoulder in comfort, “Is it really alright.” A rhetorical question.

“I miss Andrey.”

Andrey! Marya’s fellow senior student was studying abroad for the year and was to return for graduation. The boy and Natasha had been long distance for around 3 weeks.

“That’s expected, sweet Natalie, you care deeply for him.”

Natasha lowers their head down to Marya’s lap. Marya responds by petting their hair. She feels a trickle of tiny tears near her thigh. Natasha sniffs, “But it’s only been nineteen days! And yet, I despair as if I am a small and sensitive toddler!” They glance up at Marya, “Am I really this pathetic?”

Marya looks down in what she hopes appears to them as fondness, but all Natasha sees is pity. She runs a hand through Natasha’s scalp and twirls her index finger around a fallen curl in their head. “I believe,” she begins, but she is having trouble listing every single word on the long list of why Natasha is wonderful, “that you are brave, and beautiful, and intelligent and wise. There is a reason Andrey loves you, my charming girl.”

Natasha sits up and wipes off their tears. “Thank you.”

“Now, speaking of Andrey, how was your talk with his family?”

Natasha frowns remembering that. “His father was horribly rude! But his sister reminds me that he's old and must be excused.”

“That isn't a good excuse, love. How about his sister?”

Natasha beams fondly. “Mary is also a freshmen here. She's very,” Natasha smiles down at their knees, “simple, but not in a boring way. In a quaint way, very welcoming and charming. She’d kind. She likes me. I like her.”

Marya grins, “That's perfect! Her father will like you soon too, and he’ll bless you and Andrey!”

Natasha giggles, almost sadly. She stops abruptly and coughs. “Yes, me and… Andrey… Perfect.” She says.

 

* * *

 

**_ #marya is obviously a moon lesbian, sonya -natasha @ 3:27 am _ **

**[ya ya ya] : how’s it going**

**[the weather is very sonya] : it's good excEPT FOR NAT’S 3 AM ROAST!!! W O W!**

**[natashanatalyanatalie] : sonnie ily so much but 1. marya is obvi a moon lesbian!! 2. what is ur screen name**

**[the weather is very sonya]: it's a pun! it's better than “ya ya ya”**

**[ya ya ya]: um??? hello!!!! what does my name end with???????? mhm!**

**[natashanatalyanatalie] : both of you change ur names now p l e a s e**

**‘the weather is very sonya’ changed name to ‘sonnie’**

**[sonnie] : *glinda voice* i hope youre happy!!**

**‘ya ya ya’ changed name to ‘maryana grande (frappe)’**

**[natashanatalyanatalie] : marYA PLE A Se**

**[maryana grande (frappe)] : yes yes I know im a Blessing**

**[sonnie] : HRIANDOSFUCKDJSJJFSK**

**[sonnie] : GIRLS ARE SO CUTE AND GREAT I AM SO G A Y**

**[maryana grande (frappe)] : same. being a lesbian is Wonderful!**

**[natashanatalyanatalie] : is this group chat just the three of us screaming about cute people**

**[sonnie] : tasha please every1 else's GC is screaming about how cute u r**

**[natashanatalyanatalie] : thanks I know**

**[natashanatalyanatalie] : u know who's a cute girl who's also not straight? pierre’s gf.**

**[natashanatalyanatalie] : brb**

**[maryana grande (frappe)] : I K N O W !**

**‘sonnie’ added ‘spiderman aka pytorpan the pied piper”**

**[sonnie] : ok Pierre firstly what is ur screen name im ?!?**

**[spiderman aka pytorpan the pied piper] : it's an allegory for how much the name Peter is used in media. Peter is one of my nicknames so it made sense**

**[sonnie] : ok secondly, what's ur status with helene??**

**[spiderman aka pytorpan the pied piper] : idk anymore tbqh**

**[maryana grande (frappe)] : I CALL DIBS!**

**[sonnie] BRKSNDKDBAOSB HOW DARE U**

**[maryana grande (frappe)] : ha ha**

**[spiderman aka pytorpan the pied piper] : Marya can we talk. In real life.**

**[maryana grande (frappe)] : yeah**

**‘spiderman aka pytorpan the pied piper’ left**

**[natashanatalyanatalie] : im back!**

**[sonnie] : nat Marya is about to get scolded by Pierre**

**[natashanatalyanatalie] : good luck**

**[maryana grande (frappe)]: i appreciate it (I dont) thanks a lot**

**‘maryana grande (frappe)’ left**

* * *

 

Pierre had hesitated before knocking to enter Marya’s dorm room. A flurry of thoughts entered his head and blood rushed through his heart. His breathing was uneven. He needed to calm down. Marya was his friend, she would never abandon him.

Would she?

He knocked on the door.

Marya was quick to open the door. She reached quickly for Pierre, pulling him into her embrace and hugging him tightly. Pierre stayed still for a while, his arms dangling lifelessly at his sides; with his fingernails imprinting marks into his large palms. He wrapped his arms around her for two very short seconds before she pulled away and looked at him.

She ran her hands down his shoulders, to his arms and went to holding his hands. She stroked the marks on his palms, attempting to soothe them into healing quickly. She glanced up at his eyes, searching for pain. She took a deep breath and backed away, closing her eyes. She exhaled and opened up her eyes. “Are you alright, Pierre?"

He diverts his eyes under her attention. “Better  
than I've been lately, but not the best I could be.

“Pierre, please!” She scolded, “Are any of us truly at are best now?”

“I feel as if everyone is. Not counting me, of course.” Pierre’s voice is quiet next to the open window and the breezing wind.

The wind makes Marya’s bed creak.

Marya grimaces at the chill of the wind, the noise of her mattress, but pretends to be unscathed by it. Her breath is uneven when she says, “I am not at my best, my friend.”

Pierre walks over and closes Marya’s dorm window, pulls the light brown curtains together. He holds them for a while, examines them. The fabric is thin and grainy, and it has little knots at the end of it, which are still swaying from the strong breeze, that have little strings falling from it. He pulls it closer together. “Marya, can we please talk about something else?” Marya mouths open as if she was about to protest about moving to a new topic, but Pierre put a quick stop to it, gazing at Marya with pitiful and tired eyes.

Marya arranges her hands around her back. She coughs and straightens her posture. She smiles and asks “How’s Hélène?”

“She told me about your conversation at the grocery store. Do you like her?” Pierre questions

Marya avoids Pierre’s question “She flirted with me then.”

Pierre rolls his eyes. “In the group chat with Sonya and Natasha. Do you have a crush on her?” Marya shrugs it off.

“I have no idea.”

“Welcome to the indecisive club.”

Marya raises a hand. Pierre backs off a bit, confused. Marya realizes that he assumes she wants to interrupt him, tell him he did something incorrectly.

She had a tendency of doing that to him.

Marya raises Pierre’s hand next to hers. “To having no idea what you're doing?” She asks, hoping the idea will stick. He smiles fondly and high fives her. He confirms her idea.

“To having no idea what you're doing.”

 

**Author's Note:**

> idk if this is gonna be a multi chapter fic or a one shot or the first part in a series but basically this is a modern college au.
> 
> here's which year everyone is in
> 
> freshmen - Natasha and Mary
> 
> sophomore - Sonya
> 
> Junior - Pierre, Hélène, Dolokhov and Anatole
> 
> Senior - Marya, Balaga and Andrey
> 
> im on tumblr @garnetcomets 
> 
> if u want 2 u can come scream to me about this au I barely developed and made in like 5 hours.


End file.
